in KennethBaucum.com

Men, speak up. She won’t know what you don’t tell her about your thoughts and feelings.

Ladies, there are guys out here that are interested in you. If you want a piece of the pie, it’s your turn to respond.

The reason not married

I’m 30. That seems relevant because it implies that I’m quickly leaving my youthful years. I’ve been interested in finding a woman to marry for about 23 years (is that even possible?).  Starting with my long-time girlfriend of two days back in second grade, including all 32 crushes through elementary, middle and high school, and five more lovely candidates while I was in college. That’s not the end of my list of interests, but I’ll stop trying to enumerate them so you don’t get bored and leave before I’ve said my piece.

I’m single. I’m not entirely sure why, but I figure spoken or not, the lack of feelings ended up being mutual. As best I can tell – the world’s dating problems (okay, my dating problems) boil down to communication.

“The reason I’m not married yet is that either I’ve taken too long to tell her how I feel, or she has taken so long to respond that I changed my mind.”

I’ve known of a weakness of mine for years, yet it persists – I’m slow. I’m slow to decide that I’m really interested, slow to decide that I should say something, and slow to say something.  Same story for really anything emotional I’ve wanted to say to a beautiful woman.  Oh, and the more beautiful she is in my eyes, the harder it is. It’s silly.

I can’t see myself taking all of the blame, though. I’ve sent out plenty of notes, cards, letters, emails, texts and left voicemails that all go unanswered for minutes, hours, days even weeks. Shoot, I’ve never gotten a reply on most of them. In case you lovely ladies don’t know, those minutes seem like hours — you don’t even want to know how long it feel like when I have to wait for days for a reply. I mean, I’m not professing my love via text – who do you think I am, a millennial? I’d rather tell you to your face. Yet without a few simple replies, I may not get that chance. I mean, I even call and can’t get your attention — come on!

Meh, you’re probably not interested anyway – or at least that’s what you told me, right before updating your Facebook status to “In a relationship with…” – it doesn’t really matter who, I just know it wasn’t me.

So, here it is nearly midnight on a weeknight and I’ve got stories to tell and no one within earshot to tell them to. I suppose my punishment from the gods for spending too much time checking out girls when I should have had my eyes and mind somewhere else is that I get to spend a few more years alone practicing how to be the communicator and best friend that I want to be to my future wife.

Oh, and for whomever is about to tell me all about Paul and other single guys in the Bible, save it – I’ve heard it before. I’m not feeling called to be single right now. I’d rather you pray for me than lecture me.

Ladies, please keep being ladies – some of you are doing some crazy stuff and it takes the fun out of finding the kind of woman I want to marry. Let me open the door, let me pay for dinner, let me smile and offer you my jacket. Let me be a man. There’s other qualifications, but let’s just start here.

Men, let me try to encourage you, while preaching to myself – there are lots of great ladies out there, and none of them are perfect. I’m not asking you to settle, I’m telling you that society is pushing you to find “the one” and there’s really like 4 billion choices. Keep your head up and keep being you – somewhere there’s a girl who likes your quirks, she just doesn’t know it yet.

I’m Christian. This brings me to yet another reason why I seem to be single, but it’s not a problem, just a piece of my puzzle. There’s a ton (no really, get them all on a scale) of beautiful girls out there that hang out in places I don’t go. Some of them I’m sure are real nice personalities and I have no doubt that many of them would tell you how they love God, they go to church every Sunday or that they’re Christian. They’ll quote scripture about how the Bible doesn’t say you can’t drink alcohol, or they’ll justify their behavior one way or another but for me – I’ve seen too many friends screw up their lives in one way or another with alcohol or other poor choices. I’m not saying you’ll be the same way, I prefer to just stay away from certain activities. We all have our problems, our ‘hidden’ sins, or our stupid ideas that lead to stupid consequences – I’m just choosing to avoid as many as I can. I’m sure you’ll find me committing some other disgrace soon enough and you can point and laugh then at my hypocrisy.

Whew, was that a mouthful or what?

For anyone seeking some level-headed advice or feedback, but don’t know how to ask the questions or don’t know who to ask them of – check out Boundless.org. Go there for a look around even if you do know how and whom to ask, maybe it’ll surprise you. I don’t make any money from sharing, I just know that they think a lot like I do.

For anyone looking for me, well — there’s Facebook. In the event of the collapse of the internet, you won’t be reading this, but perhaps you will have previously struck up a conversation and have a copy of my phone number. You know, just in case.

Good luck out there,

Kenneth