per·spec·tive [per-spek-tiv]


  1. a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships on a flat surface. Compare aerial perspective, linear perspective.
  2. a picture employing this technique, especially one in which it is prominent: an architect’s perspective of a house.
  3. a visible scene, especially one extending to a distance; vista: a perspective on the main axis of an estate.
  4. the state of existing in space before the eye: The elevations look all right, but the building’s composition is a failure in perspective.
  5. the state of one’s ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.


So, before you start throwing things, I’m not directing this at you.  Just kidding.  Yes, I am.  This one’s for you.  You know who you are.  You have trouble every day with the things around you and you get frustrated easily.  Is the world out to get you?  Oh, yeah?  I thought so, too — I saw the guys in the nice white jackets following you earlier.  They’re probably looking in your windows now.  Waiting for you to finish reading this post.  They want to see how you react.

“What do you mean how I react?”

Yeah, OK, way to prove my point.  This lesson is about perspective.  Let me tell you a story.  Someone told me a few years ago they were so glad to see me grow up.  The reality is that I’m not really all that more grown up, but that I am figuring out how to choose my battles.  When someone becomes controlling and selfish, fails to listen to reason and new ideas, you have to start figuring out how they think.  Not how to manipulate them, but just how to out think them.  The reality is, it’s pretty easy, because they’re not thinking.  I like to give people a second chance when it’s appropriate. (Tip:  It’s not always appropriate)

Second chances are my way of determining if the person just wants to point blame, or create a solution.  I’m down for solutions.  One of my closest mentors growing up has shared some advise that you can find on my wall of inspiration.  It reads, “Are you looking for blame – or solutions?”

I had to ask this to someone, in the middle of a confrontation.  The result was both satisfying and successful.  The satisfaction came in my confidence and courage to say what needed to be said, and the success was what came right after the tone of the conversation completely changed for the better.  Sometimes, you have to set the scene and give your audience a new perspective.

Are you looking for blame — or a solution?

  • When your boss picks you out as a scapegoat
  • When you see the artwork on your wall from your youngest child
  • When your friend brings up something you said in anger
  • When you run into money trouble
  • When your professor shows you the grade you earned
  • When you lose a loved one
  • When tragedy strikes
  • When life happens

Are you looking for blame — or a solution?

One more thought.  Occasionally, you will think before you speak, and offer a solution without looking to blame something else for your trouble.  Sometimes, people who have no dreams will tell you, “It is what is is.”

No, it isn’t.

Just remember that someone who uses this line of reasoning is probably just mad because they can’t make change in the world.  They’re quite possibly insane.  The very definition of which is “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.”  They don’t want you to follow your dream, because they can’t follow theirs.  Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do something.  (Name that movie)

When you choose your battles, you can choose your happiness.  Look for solutions.  Don’t be insane.  That’s the lesson.